Facing An Empty Nest Is Bittersweet

This is a year full of changes for our family.  The biggest change is to see our  daughter's last year of High School end and sending her off to college in the fall.  When your children are babies and you are waking up for 2 am feedings it seems like the time that they go out on their own is in the very distant future. Let me just say that that time goes very fast and before you know it you will be through the first day of school, through the adolescent years, and finally seeing them off to adulthood.

At this moment you may need to tell yourself over and over that this is what parenthood is all about.  Everything leads up to the moment when you see them off into the world. All you can hope for is you helped to give them the tools to make decisions on their own that will have a positive impact on their young adult life. 

Being a rather shy- afraid to do things kind of child myself, It took me many years to finally build up enough confidence to do things on my own.  I still have a ways to go, but I wanted to bring up my daughter to have a solid sense of herself and enough independence to think for herself, and realize there is a big wide world out there.  I wanted her to know that she can do anything she wants (within reason of course).  That there is a level of fear in the unknown but each time you take a step to conquer that fear you build up a bit of confidence and the next thing you try, that is just a little bit  more daunting, is within reach.  After several baby steps, you really do believe you can do anything.

As a parent it is hard to accept that your child is at this point. Some parents suffer great anxiety when their kids go off on their own for the first time.  You spend all these years nurturing them, making them the center of your world and then one day you find yourself looking around an empty house and the thought of "what do I do next" creeps in.  Now is the time to immerse yourself in a favorite hobby, or get out and meet people.  It truly is your time to shine.  No matter what you never stop being a parent, but now it's their time to take the reins and steer themselves down their own path.  I know I will never stop worrying and they know you are only a phone call away.

I have a few months until my daughter graduates from High School and then goes off to college at the end of summer.  She's my only child so I've never been through this before and I honestly do not know how I will react. I'm thinking I will be texting her something like 5 times a day at first at which every time I will be able to see her eyes roll whenever she sees my name come up on her phone.  I just know that I am incredibly proud of her and the young adult she has become.

The Older You Get-The Faster Time Goes

It's true!! The older you get, the faster time goes!

It's homecoming week in our town and it's a big deal in our house. Our daughter is a Senior this year, she has been leaving the house every morning dressed up for the theme of the day. Today she's dressed all in purple and black.

This fills me with lots of mixed emotions. It brings back memories since I went to the same High School. More overwhelming though is the feeling of where did the time go?  I am sure all parents of older children can relate to that feeling.  I think about those "terrible twos" days when at times you question your decision to have children (I know, but think about it, there have been maybe seconds when you thought this) and you know without a doubt that it was 1000% worth it and where did the time go? 

I can remember when people would tell me that the time will go so fast and before you know it, they will be graduating. I didn't believe it. Well I can say it's totally true! In other words-embrace those tantrums since they will be over before you know it! Before you know it college applications will be filled out and you will be facing the reality of them spreading their wings and flying off on their own. 

Yes time does go faster the older you get and the feeling is bittersweet. Seeing your children grow up and become independent is a feeling of great pride!   I have always said that every stage of parenting was my favorite, be it the baby stage, primary school, or high school stage. Now facing the cusp of adulthood stage has to be my favorite! 

Embrace every stage of you children's life since it will fly by at the blink of an eye!

"Mom, You're So Weird!"

I wrote this little piece last week on vacation. I was trying to find a way to communicate to my daughter what she means to me even though at times having a teenage daughter can be uh um interesting.  I know it's a little different from my other posts, but parenting is a journey and one that I am grateful to be experiencing! I just wanted to share.

"Mom, you're so weird" is a phrase I hear daily out of my 15 (soon to be 16) year old daughter. Unfortunately I do not agree with her at all. I think I'm a pretty cool mom. I think I dress okay, meaning I would never be caught dead going to Wal Mart in pajama bottoms. I love to shop, wear makeup, have an open mind concerning pre-martial sex, birth control, and same-sex marriage. I love to travel and experience the world and I love to read. The latter being the no #1 pastime of said daughter.

None if this means anything to her! Honestly when I found out over 16 years ago I was going to have a daughter and knowing by choice that this was going to be my only shot at parenthood, I was overjoyed! I dreamed of a close Mother-Daughter relationship that was all hugs and kisses. A relationship where she would come to me with every question and problem and in my infinite wisdom I could offer advice and a good shoulder to cry on.

So far it has not worked out that way....

I think in the back of every mother's minds this is what they dream of.

As a child my daughter was headstrong. She used to have temper tantrums to shake the heavens, but then come cuddle with you. She would spend hours playing with dolls and didn't mind being alone.

She was always a daddy's girl who wanted to spend all her time with him and liked everything he did. Even at this age, she has maintained this special bond with him. This was always something I was thankful for. There is something to be said of a solid Father-Daughter relationship. It is widely known that if your daughter has a loving, involved father figure in her life when she is young, it will be a model for strong healthy relationships with men in the future. If her strong relationship with Dad follows that statement, I have nothing to worry about!

On the other hand-relationships between mother and daughter are one of the most complex and complicated.

Those toddler temper tantrums may be a thing of the past, but to replace that are these teenage mood swings (aka teenage temper tantrums) that leave me to believe she is from another planet. Also don't get me started on that glare that can only make me want to duck for fear of a dagger passing over my head. Actually I have felt my hair move already! True story! Plus who can forget the ever popular eye roll.

On occasion her true self comes through and she has an incredible sense of humor (as her tweets clearly show), and a mind of her own where she does not go along with the crowd, she's artsy and has a great style all her own, plus she stands up for herself.

Honestly as many times as she says I am weird or she locks herself in her room when I am trying to talk to her or get her to do something, my love for her never waivers. I never feel the need to tell her I hate her like my mom told me once. I love spending time with her going shopping (which she is not a fan of-totally unlike me), camping when it's just us two, watching movies (we both love movies), and listening to her on the rare occasion when she wants to fill me in on her life.

So she can call me weird anytime she likes. There came a point where I thought my mom was weird too and I am waaaay cooler than my mom ever could be!! I know this for a fact since all my friends(and her friends too) think I'm cool.

I love her to death and secretly hope when she gets asked out on her first date it will be me she tells first (highly unlikely, but that's my fantasy) and when she gets her heart broken for the first time, she will cry her eyes out on my shoulder and maybe for a single moment she won't think I'm so weird.

Yes, having a teenage daughter can be trying at times, but I consider myself lucky and only have to deal with the trivial stuff. It could be a whole lot worse. I guess I may never have that " I think my Mom is the greatest" kind of relationship with my daughter, but maybe someday my hope is she will just look at me and say "Mom, I think you pretty cool and I love you"

Please note: I am an incredibly patient person. I have to be.....



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